There was a new teacher at work today. I always get excited to meet new people. She came to some of my classes to observe today, so we got to talk a bit in my car. She seems quite cool and down to earth. Having lived in Japan for the past 11 years, she seems to know a lot about the Japanese and their culture. She told me that living in Japan changes you; that at first you don’t understand why they abide by so many traditions, but by the end you can’t see why anyone wouldn’t. Westerners tendto do things because they make sense rather than because it’s tradition, whereas Japan is the opposite. There is just a certain way things are done and everyone conforms. So as you may expect, I’ve become somewhat worried that Japan is changing me in that respect. I’ve been too busy working full time (which is Japanese for all the time) and studying Japanese whenever I can to be the opinionated rebel I remember myself as at home. At the same time though, my new acquaintance also said that the Japanese lifestyle makes you a more patient person, and I could always use a lesson in patience, so it can’t be all that bad. Still.
~me~ at 6:14 AM
I’m writing this post on the shinkansen (bullet train) to Kyoto, where I will meet my family for the sequel of “The Simpsons Go To Japan”. This train is moving so fast that it is giving me a head rush. It feels cool.
So last week was parent observation week in all of my classes, and today I got to look at some of the teacher evaluations that the students and parents filled out. The papers are supposed to be handed directly to my boss, but since I can read Japanese I have the unique privilege of reading them over first. Well the good news is that most of my students said that they liked me (‘do you like this teacher’ is asked directly on the questionnaire) and that the lessons are fun. The bad news is that tendency of mine to get hung up over the one kid who says that his pronunciation hasn’t improved or that the lesson is hard to understand. I’ve never been judged in this way before, and there is something quite strange about it. It’s like, ever since I read those papers whenever I interact with people I wonder about what they would write if given a questionnaire about me reading “do you like this person”. It’s really freaking me out.
~me~ at 5:43 AM
Today I am proud of myself because I finally managed to pay my Japanese health insurance. Terribly exciting, I know. This is such an accomplishment because I tend to treat bills the way I would treat a spider on my wall: tell the spider that I will close my eyes and give it ten seconds to get out of my sight for its own good. And if when I open my eyes it hasn’t run away, I will close my eyes again. Needless to say, the payment I speak of is two months late. I have yet to become responsible about responsibility. Who let me grow up, anyway?
~me~ at 5:06 AM
I feel like I’ve definitely changed since I’ve been in Japan. For one, I’m very worried that I’ve become apathetic. During my time as a university student, I read and wrote passionately about politics and society. My classes at school dealt primarily with sexism and racism, and I got drunk with my roommates and we prophesized a green party-led revolution. Now, by contrast, four out of my six English speaking co-workers have husbands in the military so I don’t express my anti-war arguments to keep the office peaceful. Better yet, Japan has yet to encounter feminism and the family I live with is extremely “old fashioned” with regard to gender roles. Thrust into the real world, I have sexism, inequality and militarism staring me blankly in the face, but I have no idea what to do about it. To be fair, this is largely because I am not Japanese so I don’t feel it’s my place to do anything about it here. Imposing western activism on the Japanese, I’d feel like a missionary of sorts (everyone comes with good intentions, after all). Not really my thing.
~me~ at 5:10 AM
My family is so dysfunctional and I absolutely love them for it. One of the things that freaks me out about my host family is that they almost never raise their voices at each other. Now that my real family is here, it is refreshing to be able to yell at my mother to get out of the bathroom as my little way of saying good morning. As avoiding conflict at all costs is characteristically Japanese, I really wonder where they store all of their pissed offedness. One night my host mother told me that Japanese hardly ever express what they’re really feeling when they speak; in fact, they often say the opposite of what they’re thinking. At which point I’m like: “oh great, I finally feel like I can understand some of the language and now you tell me that people never mean what they say”. (I sometimes feel like Japan was specifically designed to keep people like me out, but I digress.) When some Japanese staff members at my job get into disagreements with me or my co-workers, they often gloss over confrontations with giggles. I think to myself: “Ok, I’m pissed off at you, you’re pissed off at me, can we at least not smile about it??” Due to complex and universal social codes, I’m sure that the Japanese can understand each other’s sentiments much more clearly than I can. If nothing else is certain, I have a lot more to learn about this society.
~me~ at 5:40 AM